Many years ago as an enthusiastic post graduate applied psychologist, I was fascinated by the statement Food and behaviour, are they connected? Whenever I spoke about it, there were nudges and raised eyebrows and smirks galore. Most said it’s nonsense, that food has nothing to do with behavior. Fast forward four decades and the internet is full of articles on Food and Behaviour and the relationship between the two. My point exactly and I chose to believe in it and practice it seriously.
Food and behaviour is a big topic these days. Many behavioural issues can be traced to digestive health. Children who are fed processed foods can become very aggressive and difficult to control. It could lead to anti social behaviour including bullying, temper tantrums, truancy, stealing, lying, depression, mood swings, over eating, aggression and so on. Specific foods and nutrients can produce specific changes in the chemical balance of the brain changing the character and personality of a child. This article is not about food and behaviour. Rather it is about my experience with my child in school who was bullied mercilessly for years. And it goes back to food and behaviour and the connection between the two. When you eat the wrong kind of food it affects behaviour in ways that cause a lot of unhappiness to those around you.
Going back in time to the 1990’s to Bangalore, Karnataka, India….
When my husband told me that he planned to move to Malaysia in 1995, I had mixed feelings about it. He left amidst a flurry of excitement and we eagerly awaited news from him. He reassured me that there were a number of Indian expats who had chosen to work in the same company and many of them were his ex colleagues.
What happened when we arrived in 1996 was a different matter. We got busy with adjusting in a new country, finding suitable schools, making new friends , tasting new foods, managing the house and the inevitable sight seeing .
Just when we though that things were going well, our daughters told us that the other kids refused to play with them because we were non vegetarians and spoke English at home. I just dismissed it with a shrug and told them not to bother. But this happened repeatedly. So I went down to talk to the kids and was informed that one of the parents had made the statement and told everyone to follow suit. What made it worse was that this person was a post graduate Engineer, so was his wife. Our daughters were left out at birthday parties and all activities children are normally invited to. In 1996, we were the only family excluded from the Deepavali get together at our apartments and my children were heart broken. Again the host was a PH.D and his wife, a post graduate. The bullying followed them to school and it began to get annoying. Especially when these so called colleagues took advantage of our car on a daily basis. They even tried to dictate how to spend our income!!! We found there was no point talking to the principal or teachers because they were extremely ignorant, had no clue how to deal with it and wanted to be on good terms with the bullies. One of our daughters cried every day till she was 15 to go to school.
My husband and I had a talk and then sat our girls down ( 8 and 3) and told them proudly about our mixed heritage. In fact their paternal great grandmother was a freedom fighter. We decided to shift house and school and involved our children in various extra-curricular activities. We enrolled them for piano, singing, choir and karate classes. My husband taught them swimming on the weekends and I took them regularly to the British Council and MPH to read books and browse for hours together. We took them for picnics and excursions, to museums and we enjoyed it immensely. When it came to their studies, my husband taught them Science and Maths and I focussed on the Arts and English. We taught them that going to school was a place to acquire knowledge and life skills not just an ‘A’ grade or the annual prize.
We were elated that both girls did not go for tuition at all and did well in school and college and made good friends. They completed their Music exams with distinction in spite of a well wisher advising me to make our girls focus primarily on the ‘O’ Level exams.
What makes me gnash my teeth even now is the fact that all these people belonged to the ‘educated’ category. It got me thinking as to what we teach our children. And what values are we passing on to them. Have we become a materialistic society?
Dear parents, there will always be kids better than yours in everything. Teach them to appreciate it and learn from it. Don’t become preoccupied with your child’s academic ability! Teach them to sit with those sitting alone. Teach them to be kind and to offer help. Teach them to befriend the lonely, to encourage and to co-operate. Teach them to think about other people and to share. Teach them to respect others and look for the good. That’s what our parents taught us.
When you do that, they will change the world!
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